If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
