I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
The Olympian is in my bed
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
