It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
