I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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