I murdered the dance floor call the cops
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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