The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
