Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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