Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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