The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
