the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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