I just cut my nipple shaving
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Just pee around me
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
