Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
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