Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
