tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
