Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
