I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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