And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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