hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
