Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
