On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
