i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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