His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
