i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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