he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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