i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
