She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Randomize
