forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
