I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
