did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
she woke up with a sticky ear
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
