The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Threesome in a minivan. New low
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
