did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
