It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
