i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
