im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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