I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
