'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I accidentally burped into my bong.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
my shit smells like andre
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize