i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Thank you for not boning my boss.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
