READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
