So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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