My sheets look like a crime scene.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
