and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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