I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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