Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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