On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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