wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
