i wish my penis had a tongue
zippers are such a cool invention
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
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