I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
