is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
