oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
