Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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