So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Randomize
