My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
