Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
