I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
and she was petting her beer can
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Randomize
