i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
