If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
