he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
