I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
