wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
