I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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