she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
