he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
