he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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