Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
