Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
