Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
