im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
NoShamevember. You game?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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