hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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