Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
