you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
