We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
