Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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