dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
