I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize