Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
