Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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