he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize