It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
