Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize