I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
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