I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
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