he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
You should frame my arrest warrant.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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