The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
